Thursday, May 24, 2012

“Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.” - Jules Renard

Wow, did I say I would write once a week? I think that is probably, weekly-ish. Nonetheless, here I am, 30ish weeks pregnant. I can't believe how fast time is flying. I can't believe how soon our house will have an actual baby in it once again. I can't wait to meet him and name him and thereissomuchtowritehere.

One of those things is, of course, introduce him to books. I'd be remiss to not mention the sadness I felt at the recent death of children's author and illustrator, Maurice Sendak. His pictures and his plots were often unsettling. Well, life is unsettling isn't it? I'm grateful that like he did, I found writing, which has been my own coping mechanism through much. And, I loved this quote of his that I saw recently. When asked about e-books, he said: "I hate them. It's like making believe there's another kind of sex. There isn't another kind of sex. There isn't another kind of book. A book is a book is a book."

In all honesty, I have been doing less electronically on purpose. I have carpal tunnel and in pregnancy it turns nasty. This time, I'm not trying to get through grad school, thankfully, but I am trying to work as much as I can, so we can save for me to take some small amount of time off with baby #2. And I've been trying to write, submit and re-work my manuscript in my free time.

I keep saying I will write after he's born, after the pins and needles subside, and I wonder how I can even lie to myself like that... I mean, I can't wait for the business of tending to the first weeks and months of a baby's life: this baby, my baby, our baby. Life. But I remember writing very little in the first months of Ben's life. Like with so many other things, I'll leave it with "we shall see."

I've been organizing baby stuff and we got Ben a "big boy bed," which he loves, but for the first nap with it here yesterday, there was no rest for the weary, large mother. He's always wanted out of nap time and it took him seconds to realize that was no problem at all with a bed. I managed to get us both in a reclining position for a bit, reading books, of course! 

And there was another ultrasound due to the whole advanced maternal age/question of placental functioning. Baby looks great and, not that it was one of those strange 4D ultrasounds, but I swear I saw his face that way. Right there, staring right at this mama, smiling. Every pin and needle in my right hand or left hand is worth it. I've said this before in a guest post elsewhere, but it bears repeating for myself - Motherhood is tough and demanding, and often leaves me yearning for more time with the muse. But, I'm grateful for every moment I don't spend writing as well as every moment that I do.

Have I mentioned The Rumpus? You should go there now and read this, this, and definitely this.